Damn if I do, damned if I don't

I'm feeling terrible today. I'm depressed but not suicidal because I know I am too weak to do it and if I said I'm going to cut myself don't worry about it, because I'm too scared to do it. I hate my mother, she makes promises she can't keep and I called her a liar. She's lying. She's hasn't been doing her share in helping paying for my portfolios so I can get into college. I just need to crush something or throw it. I had feelings of killing her, but don't worry I'd never kill her. Alright. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. I have a so called boyfriend who is useless and never   Has anyone here to hug me and get me to stop crying. I've always had to struggle by myself, it's a curse I have to live. I'll never be reliant on anyone. I'll go to college and that cunt will never be in my life. My so called boyfriend can't live with his problems and others at the same time. Then why are you dating people? My mother barely contributed shit to getting me to college. She always complains she does everything when she is a lying mother fucker. My life is hell with her. I need some help. I can name a million times where she said she was going to do stuff and never did it. World's most terrible mother. It's sad. She's touched me and yelled the entire time. I'll defend myself. She took my computer away from me because her mother paid for it, not her. Um, I got that computer cause this bitch wouldn't buy it. So piss off.