Diary time
Sometimes, I don't know what I want or if I need it. I constantly tell myself I need some type of relationship just so I have an excuse to never be home because I really don't like it here but that obviously doesn't mean I ever want to use them. I want to fall in love all over again, with a person whose worth it.
Not hopping back and forth from relationship to relationship but to stay in one and on one. I'm not the only one that feels this way. Part of me says I don't want to be single and then the other part of me does because I know almost know man would be okay with me being in a polyamorous relationship because of how jealous they can get.
I don't want to hop in one immediately but wait a couple months until I can trust them and know what they're like before dating.
I don't ever like to say the name of the person I'm dating because I like to keep my sex/dating life private. Then again, I'd enjoy bragging about how I have the greatest bf in the world, say his name a million times on here, and post cute pics together. It's half and half. I guess I leave that up to my social media accounts.
I feel like I'll never find true love because for one, I'm not drop dead gorgeous (average looking in my opinion) and I'm awkward meeting new people (especially guys) that aren't online. I feel like it's easier to get to know people/find love because you can find someone you never met and not have to speak to them/face to face in person until you actually meet in real life. Mostly importantly, people can't deal with me and my personality. There problem, not mine. I am not always going to blame myself for why I can't make friends/get a bf. Sometimes, it's people who can't handle me and to be honest, right now...we live in a generation where most people are impatient.
I see all these cute couples and think why don't I have a bf? I deserve a bf just like anyone else but then a small part of me tells me you don't need a man. You're right, I don't but it would be easier/nice to have one. It was nicer to have a boyfriend, I know, because I've had one before and I'd stay up there at his house in a whole another state and it was great being away from home and that mundane state you call New Jersey.
Then again, I guess you could just say I need a friend if I didn't like being at home. A friend with benefits sort of thing. You know, someone I could occasionally have sex with and still be good friends with them..
I'm fine with that too. I guess the only downfall to that option, is what if they get a gf? (God, I hope they never do/don't believe in dating/marriage/shit like that). Basically stay single forever unless they'd want to date me, then I'm down. But back to the point, I'd have to stop having sex with him and even coming over just to hang out (girls now-a-days are insecure and jealous and think they're bf/gf can't have any friends of the opposite sex if they're usually straight/bi). Then, we can only be distant friends and I'd have to find another guy to either date or be fwb (friends with benefits).
I'm just thinking here, this is what I've been thinking for the longest even if I've already dated someone before but he just made things worst, more confusing because he didn't agree with something I am.
I don't know what to do, I'm sort of confused if I do or don't want to date.
Not hopping back and forth from relationship to relationship but to stay in one and on one. I'm not the only one that feels this way. Part of me says I don't want to be single and then the other part of me does because I know almost know man would be okay with me being in a polyamorous relationship because of how jealous they can get.
I don't want to hop in one immediately but wait a couple months until I can trust them and know what they're like before dating.
I don't ever like to say the name of the person I'm dating because I like to keep my sex/dating life private. Then again, I'd enjoy bragging about how I have the greatest bf in the world, say his name a million times on here, and post cute pics together. It's half and half. I guess I leave that up to my social media accounts.
I feel like I'll never find true love because for one, I'm not drop dead gorgeous (average looking in my opinion) and I'm awkward meeting new people (especially guys) that aren't online. I feel like it's easier to get to know people/find love because you can find someone you never met and not have to speak to them/face to face in person until you actually meet in real life. Mostly importantly, people can't deal with me and my personality. There problem, not mine. I am not always going to blame myself for why I can't make friends/get a bf. Sometimes, it's people who can't handle me and to be honest, right now...we live in a generation where most people are impatient.
I see all these cute couples and think why don't I have a bf? I deserve a bf just like anyone else but then a small part of me tells me you don't need a man. You're right, I don't but it would be easier/nice to have one. It was nicer to have a boyfriend, I know, because I've had one before and I'd stay up there at his house in a whole another state and it was great being away from home and that mundane state you call New Jersey.
Then again, I guess you could just say I need a friend if I didn't like being at home. A friend with benefits sort of thing. You know, someone I could occasionally have sex with and still be good friends with them..
I'm fine with that too. I guess the only downfall to that option, is what if they get a gf? (God, I hope they never do/don't believe in dating/marriage/shit like that). Basically stay single forever unless they'd want to date me, then I'm down. But back to the point, I'd have to stop having sex with him and even coming over just to hang out (girls now-a-days are insecure and jealous and think they're bf/gf can't have any friends of the opposite sex if they're usually straight/bi). Then, we can only be distant friends and I'd have to find another guy to either date or be fwb (friends with benefits).
I'm just thinking here, this is what I've been thinking for the longest even if I've already dated someone before but he just made things worst, more confusing because he didn't agree with something I am.
I don't know what to do, I'm sort of confused if I do or don't want to date.
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