This is really how I feel.
I'm over it. I just got done crying over a relationship that wasn't official but I had hope it would because it was evident we both liked each other. I'm spilling all my emotions tonight, I'm sorry. I'm crying over the idea of losing him and I have a pretty good idea I probably would and that's a small reason why I'm upset.
Laying in bed, with tissue crying on my phone screen on articles about not giving up on love just a few minutes ago that inspired me to spill all my emotions out because as usual, I have a lot to say.
It's not every night that I'm crying or every other night but every couple days when I try to go out and meet new guys and every one of them has failed or if I have been in a relationship, it last for a couple months and not long-term.
A lot of the time I don't want to be bothered by anyone especially my family because I'm constantly being disappointed. Constantly being used for my pussy and heart broken at the end and they got what they wanted, playing me.
He wanted to take yet another break because he doesn't have time, to give me the time I need. I was afraid, afraid of losing him cause I really liked him. Who knows? Within in that break, he could find someone else. That's why I don't want to take a break or stop talking to him. He rarely sees me and I have known him for months and only seen him 3 or 4 times. He has kids by another woman and has to make time to come and see them. He's the second maybe even third or fourth guy to do this to me, can't make time for me.
I'm tired of the pain, the tears, the stress, the unwanted trauma. Put me out my misery. I'm tired of bursting out in tears after every heart break I go through because I'm just an emotional person. That type of emotional person that cried when King Varian of Stormwing died to Gul'dan in Legion of World of Warcraft. Yeah, crying over a video game. Or when I hear all those public executions of people wrongfully killed by the police. That level of emotional. The fuckbois in this world have driven me up a wall to a point where I was suicidal and close to killing myself because I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of me being the one heart broken when I've done nothing but given the love and they left me in the dirt.
I remember a couple months ago before I met Robert, I was catching feelings for someone named Mark who worked at my job and he hurt my feelings too. Told me there was no point of dating him because he'd just cheat on me. That I should be glad I'm not dating him or he would cheat on me. it ended with me getting out of his car crying and he said he hopes I will find someone right for me and that will love me. Then I dealt with maybe 5 or 6 guys who all ended up stop talking to me after him.
That's exactly why I want to give up on love. One of those 5 out of 6 guys telling me he doesn't want to get in a relationship and I saw myself dating him. I broke it off with him because he made things awkward and this was going nowhere. He lives an hour away, I've known him for months and still never bothered at all to come up to see me so no idc that he's gone. I'm glad he is.
How many times does my heart have to be broken for someone to mended it back together? How many times am I going to go through tears over someone who doesn't give a shit about me?
Why do people question me why I try to push something on that's not going to happen because I'm tired of going through the process of getting hurt so I actually want a relationship to be permanent? I let my guard down . I surrendered my weakness. Why does everyone else get to be happy and healthy and start fallin in love with the right one while I get to miserable? Why does someone have to be miserable for someone else to be happy? Why am I struggling to figure out who I am? Why do fuckbois and assholes not make it any better? Every time my heart gets broken it convinces me that I never will find true love. It's hard to let go of the past.
Somethings I tweeted were:
I rather not get myself caught up into anmore relationships just to get my heart broken again, I need to prevent that.
Why do we as humans force ourselves to not care about someone just because we aren't dating them or don't want them anymore?
You don't care about my health in the future cause we're not together. You don't care what happens to me.
But you don't give a fuck about me or my feelings because we're over it?
That's not fair that I have to be sad and miserable I'm not with you while you're in love with someone else.
But I have to sad and depressed all the time for someone else to be happy?
That's why it physically puts a pain in my side seeing someone who couldn't make time for me kissing some other cunt.
I'm tired of being hurt, dissapointed. I don't need this.
Do not even talk to me if you can't give me 100% of your attention and I mean it.
It makes me want to give up on love and life. Like what's the point of living knowing someone you love is over you?
I'm tired of seeing the people I fall in love with and potentially had a chance with be happy with someone else. It makes me want to die.
They don't deserve to be happy the way they treated me and everyone else like shit. So when I show them unconditionally love and they drop me like a fly, fall in love and be happy without someone else I'm suppose to struggle and be miserable/sad because I'm not with anyone?
Why does no one legitimately care about me? Why do people keep hurting my feelings and not caring?
They're happy in relationships and I'm single and sad but they're the one's who hurt my feelings and they get to be happy? Fuck the universe and everyone in it.
I'm so fucking tired of it. If I ever see the people who hurt me again or deal with another person who hurts my feelings, I'm kicking his teeth in or punch him dead in his jaw.
The problem is, I don't know if other people feel the same way as me and that's the answer to the question I want to know. If other people constantly get the heart broken as much as I do? And how do you cope with it? I just cry it all out and then it's over it.
I don't get why people don't want to try or be bothered or worry about why people built walls. So I'm suppose to just let my guard down again for my feelings to get fucking stomped on again? That's what you want? For me to deliberately allow you to easily break into me and hurt my feelings and then run away when I least deserve it? I think the fuck not.
From this article, I completely understand their point of view but I refuse to allow other people do the shit they have done to me, do it again because I'm tired of it. Tired of misjudging people and all of this is going to go to shit when the next guy you let me,
And there's nothing wrong with avoiding relationships to be out on your own cause like y'all say, you don't need a man to be happy so why get question women that put up walls to avoid being hurt again? No one deserves to be hurt and no one needs to keep getting hurt to be happy. That's just not fair and I refuse to do that shit again.
But I'll let you in on a little hint. The one that really loves you is the one that will tear down walls to get to you, that will do anything to get to you because they see potential in you. Those are the ones that let you know that they are trying and will do anything to try to get to you. The ones that give up are obviously not there long enough or care about you enough to stay.
Why do you think it's fair or fun for me to have to cry every time my heart gets broken? That's letting myself open to the bad seeds.
You're young! You have plenty of time to get to fall in love!
Yeah, right.
I'm tired of feeling this way. I want to feel happy and when will it happen? What? Was I born to be lonely?
Then again I don't get why we impose relationships onto everyone because some people just won't find love (and I don't mean that in a bad way). Some people do die alone and that doesn't have to be a bad thing either as long as they're happy.
I keep trying and trying and it keeps failing.
Well now that I'm forced to be alone again, I'll work on getting my money up and moving out of this piece of shit town with my piece of shit family and move to Lake Hopactong right in front of the lake and nobody better not call me or ask me for shit because I'm going to laugh in their faces.
Laying in bed, with tissue crying on my phone screen on articles about not giving up on love just a few minutes ago that inspired me to spill all my emotions out because as usual, I have a lot to say.
It's not every night that I'm crying or every other night but every couple days when I try to go out and meet new guys and every one of them has failed or if I have been in a relationship, it last for a couple months and not long-term.
A lot of the time I don't want to be bothered by anyone especially my family because I'm constantly being disappointed. Constantly being used for my pussy and heart broken at the end and they got what they wanted, playing me.
He wanted to take yet another break because he doesn't have time, to give me the time I need. I was afraid, afraid of losing him cause I really liked him. Who knows? Within in that break, he could find someone else. That's why I don't want to take a break or stop talking to him. He rarely sees me and I have known him for months and only seen him 3 or 4 times. He has kids by another woman and has to make time to come and see them. He's the second maybe even third or fourth guy to do this to me, can't make time for me.
I'm tired of the pain, the tears, the stress, the unwanted trauma. Put me out my misery. I'm tired of bursting out in tears after every heart break I go through because I'm just an emotional person. That type of emotional person that cried when King Varian of Stormwing died to Gul'dan in Legion of World of Warcraft. Yeah, crying over a video game. Or when I hear all those public executions of people wrongfully killed by the police. That level of emotional. The fuckbois in this world have driven me up a wall to a point where I was suicidal and close to killing myself because I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of me being the one heart broken when I've done nothing but given the love and they left me in the dirt.
I remember a couple months ago before I met Robert, I was catching feelings for someone named Mark who worked at my job and he hurt my feelings too. Told me there was no point of dating him because he'd just cheat on me. That I should be glad I'm not dating him or he would cheat on me. it ended with me getting out of his car crying and he said he hopes I will find someone right for me and that will love me. Then I dealt with maybe 5 or 6 guys who all ended up stop talking to me after him.
That's exactly why I want to give up on love. One of those 5 out of 6 guys telling me he doesn't want to get in a relationship and I saw myself dating him. I broke it off with him because he made things awkward and this was going nowhere. He lives an hour away, I've known him for months and still never bothered at all to come up to see me so no idc that he's gone. I'm glad he is.
How many times does my heart have to be broken for someone to mended it back together? How many times am I going to go through tears over someone who doesn't give a shit about me?
Why do people question me why I try to push something on that's not going to happen because I'm tired of going through the process of getting hurt so I actually want a relationship to be permanent? I let my guard down . I surrendered my weakness. Why does everyone else get to be happy and healthy and start fallin in love with the right one while I get to miserable? Why does someone have to be miserable for someone else to be happy? Why am I struggling to figure out who I am? Why do fuckbois and assholes not make it any better? Every time my heart gets broken it convinces me that I never will find true love. It's hard to let go of the past.
Somethings I tweeted were:
I rather not get myself caught up into anmore relationships just to get my heart broken again, I need to prevent that.
Why do we as humans force ourselves to not care about someone just because we aren't dating them or don't want them anymore?
You don't care about my health in the future cause we're not together. You don't care what happens to me.
But you don't give a fuck about me or my feelings because we're over it?
That's not fair that I have to be sad and miserable I'm not with you while you're in love with someone else.
But I have to sad and depressed all the time for someone else to be happy?
That's why it physically puts a pain in my side seeing someone who couldn't make time for me kissing some other cunt.
I'm tired of being hurt, dissapointed. I don't need this.
Do not even talk to me if you can't give me 100% of your attention and I mean it.
It makes me want to give up on love and life. Like what's the point of living knowing someone you love is over you?
I'm tired of seeing the people I fall in love with and potentially had a chance with be happy with someone else. It makes me want to die.
They don't deserve to be happy the way they treated me and everyone else like shit. So when I show them unconditionally love and they drop me like a fly, fall in love and be happy without someone else I'm suppose to struggle and be miserable/sad because I'm not with anyone?
Why does no one legitimately care about me? Why do people keep hurting my feelings and not caring?
They're happy in relationships and I'm single and sad but they're the one's who hurt my feelings and they get to be happy? Fuck the universe and everyone in it.
I'm so fucking tired of it. If I ever see the people who hurt me again or deal with another person who hurts my feelings, I'm kicking his teeth in or punch him dead in his jaw.
The problem is, I don't know if other people feel the same way as me and that's the answer to the question I want to know. If other people constantly get the heart broken as much as I do? And how do you cope with it? I just cry it all out and then it's over it.
I don't get why people don't want to try or be bothered or worry about why people built walls. So I'm suppose to just let my guard down again for my feelings to get fucking stomped on again? That's what you want? For me to deliberately allow you to easily break into me and hurt my feelings and then run away when I least deserve it? I think the fuck not.
From this article, I completely understand their point of view but I refuse to allow other people do the shit they have done to me, do it again because I'm tired of it. Tired of misjudging people and all of this is going to go to shit when the next guy you let me,
And there's nothing wrong with avoiding relationships to be out on your own cause like y'all say, you don't need a man to be happy so why get question women that put up walls to avoid being hurt again? No one deserves to be hurt and no one needs to keep getting hurt to be happy. That's just not fair and I refuse to do that shit again.
But I'll let you in on a little hint. The one that really loves you is the one that will tear down walls to get to you, that will do anything to get to you because they see potential in you. Those are the ones that let you know that they are trying and will do anything to try to get to you. The ones that give up are obviously not there long enough or care about you enough to stay.
Why do you think it's fair or fun for me to have to cry every time my heart gets broken? That's letting myself open to the bad seeds.
You're young! You have plenty of time to get to fall in love!
Yeah, right.
I'm tired of feeling this way. I want to feel happy and when will it happen? What? Was I born to be lonely?
Then again I don't get why we impose relationships onto everyone because some people just won't find love (and I don't mean that in a bad way). Some people do die alone and that doesn't have to be a bad thing either as long as they're happy.
I keep trying and trying and it keeps failing.
Well now that I'm forced to be alone again, I'll work on getting my money up and moving out of this piece of shit town with my piece of shit family and move to Lake Hopactong right in front of the lake and nobody better not call me or ask me for shit because I'm going to laugh in their faces.
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